Hey
Just last two weeks I actually uninstalled this app from my phone because frankly I write on my blog when im depressed or just breakdown but now, today I installed it back.
I need to tell you this to let it off my chest.
Anyway mid terms is over its summer baby lol summer sangat. Now its actually school holiday that only has frankly 8 days left oh god how to survived 8 days without my crazy friends u cant tell. Alhamdulillah school has been so great with all them teachers and classmates and of course my girls but not the fact that pmr is in about 100 days. It seems so surreal I think I grew up too fast time needs to stop.
But this time, its not about school. Its all about my body & my family. ACTUALLY IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN THE ONLY REASON TO MY DEPRESSION. I wish I was born skinny so nobody will talk about my darn weight. I wish I was born skinny so it will be a whole lot easier to buy clothes at store. I wish I was born skinny that I will never ever have to face humiliation that is fated to follows me to wherever I go. Im so sick of people making fun of my weight. Hello cue my cups of fucks NO GIVEN it truly shows through my face but deep inside nobody ever know. Pain straight through my heart. People be like its normal and easy to lose weight ur just fifteen fuck no im trying here its not easy. I know with ur sick ass curves that every girls desires u can say that to my face but remember u dont know my story. It sickens me how society nowadays tend to judge people in the most unessecary things.
Simple. Even that one word you blurt to that particular person can caused many things you would have never thought.
Shamely, tbh I was so close to pull that thing off my skin. I have reached the point where I cant even see any sharp things. The urges to hold it and play that and scalp those beautiful scars on my skin is unbearable. I cried at night and overthink things till I even not sleeping all night laying in bed.
This whole things even got more horrible because I horridly miss my grandma. Ive always been though.
Just last two weeks I actually uninstalled this app from my phone because frankly I write on my blog when im depressed or just breakdown but now, today I installed it back.
I need to tell you this to let it off my chest.
Anyway mid terms is over its summer baby lol summer sangat. Now its actually school holiday that only has frankly 8 days left oh god how to survived 8 days without my crazy friends u cant tell. Alhamdulillah school has been so great with all them teachers and classmates and of course my girls but not the fact that pmr is in about 100 days. It seems so surreal I think I grew up too fast time needs to stop.
But this time, its not about school. Its all about my body & my family. ACTUALLY IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN THE ONLY REASON TO MY DEPRESSION. I wish I was born skinny so nobody will talk about my darn weight. I wish I was born skinny so it will be a whole lot easier to buy clothes at store. I wish I was born skinny that I will never ever have to face humiliation that is fated to follows me to wherever I go. Im so sick of people making fun of my weight. Hello cue my cups of fucks NO GIVEN it truly shows through my face but deep inside nobody ever know. Pain straight through my heart. People be like its normal and easy to lose weight ur just fifteen fuck no im trying here its not easy. I know with ur sick ass curves that every girls desires u can say that to my face but remember u dont know my story. It sickens me how society nowadays tend to judge people in the most unessecary things.
Simple. Even that one word you blurt to that particular person can caused many things you would have never thought.
Shamely, tbh I was so close to pull that thing off my skin. I have reached the point where I cant even see any sharp things. The urges to hold it and play that and scalp those beautiful scars on my skin is unbearable. I cried at night and overthink things till I even not sleeping all night laying in bed.
This whole things even got more horrible because I horridly miss my grandma. Ive always been though.
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