No.

Most things arent the same this time. I am starting to hate my home. I couldnt care less if i had to go to school everyday. Part of me will laugh and be happy for good 6 hours in school with my friends. After school session is over i am back to satan hole. Place where i dont feel i belongs to. Place where i feel insecure most of the time. I introduce to you, my home. My friends, they dont see the dark side of me. On my darkest days, i will never allow or let them enter it. I will make sure, they will only see the brightest of me. I dont need their pity. But at the same time i need someone to talk someone who i can trust someone who will understand and will not judge me with stories im going to tell them someone who will tell me everything is going to be okay. But i have not found them. No. I am the one who didnt. Didnt try to find that person. I always feel nobody loves me nobody cares about me. It all started with how people at home treated me. I used it as a mould to the society. If people at home treated me like shit, why society wouldnt want to either? That phrase haunt my life for this entire time. All my silenceness said it all i dont want people to break the walls i have been built for all these years. Nobody can break them if i dont give them the premission. I would like to keep my life in private where i dont have to tell every details that happened in every second of my life.
Sometimes i dont even get my self. There is the time i need love and support from people. There is the time i want to be left alone. I cant find the perfect reason to live and i also cant find the perfect reason to die. The scars that had shattered my heart will stay permanent. Will never gets better or healed.
Now my life has been more miserable. Being the only kid who is the black sheep isnt fun. When all my wishes didnt came true and their's came true, i sat there thinking of what i did to deserve this. I can never be the perfect daughter in your eyes. Each time you asks for an answer i will stay quiet or ignore them all. Because one time, you ignored my opinions that is when my cue to shut up came. I know my opinions didnt matter to you right? Like who the fuck am i. I am just another rebel and heartbroken daughter that you raised to follow every single word you say. Let me tell you a fact about my self, i hate my life.

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