So hey today is 27 December 2012, which it means 6
5 fucking days till school reopen.
School sucks? No. The people in it, they are sucks they are all judgemental people they are people that full with hatred they love brings people down they earns the joy and the passion by bringing people down they think its cool to insult people they think its fine to make fun of people's body people's face people's leg they way the people walk the people talk the people socialize they are all fucking judgemental bastard that thinks they are good enough they are pretty enough they are skinny enough they are cute enough they are handsome enough. I am so sick with all of them just because I am big or what do people love to call FAT it doesnt mean I have no feelings. To be honest I am the most sensitive & shy person. I avoid socializing, I tried. Yes. True story. Because I feel so bad about my body. My self esteem went zero when im at school surrounding by these "cool" pretty skinny flawless people.
I just hate the fact that in few days I will be facing all my school mates. I am not ready my mental is not ready my body is not ready. I want to step in to the school with confidence and proudly and vibrantly reaching to my friends and shares them my incredible stories. But not with this body this almost obese body. Its fucking horrible to step in to the school with this body and you just walk to your friends and their face like "She is still big" but with the excitement(a little) its so heartbreaking and you looking around and there you go the girl that used to be big like you or bigger than you is now all skinny and looking healthy. It is not fun. And you just sitting there and suddenly sobbing to tears and just cry your heart out with more terrible thoughts in your mind like "Am i acceptable in this society?" "Can I fit in this whole different world?" "How do i and what are the way?" "What insulting im gonna get while im walking to the hallways" so unhealthy I could swore this feeling is fucking sucks and you just lose control and willing to cut yourself.
I wish loosing weight is easy.
Sometimes I wish I just grab a knife and cut all these fats off.
Sometimes I wish I can scalped my curve to perfection till other girls insecure and dying to have the exact curve like I do.
Sometimes I wish I can paint my face to be flawless so when you walked by some boys some hot boys they will be like " Damn she is hot"
But its only just a dream.
5 fucking days till school reopen.
School sucks? No. The people in it, they are sucks they are all judgemental people they are people that full with hatred they love brings people down they earns the joy and the passion by bringing people down they think its cool to insult people they think its fine to make fun of people's body people's face people's leg they way the people walk the people talk the people socialize they are all fucking judgemental bastard that thinks they are good enough they are pretty enough they are skinny enough they are cute enough they are handsome enough. I am so sick with all of them just because I am big or what do people love to call FAT it doesnt mean I have no feelings. To be honest I am the most sensitive & shy person. I avoid socializing, I tried. Yes. True story. Because I feel so bad about my body. My self esteem went zero when im at school surrounding by these "cool" pretty skinny flawless people.
I just hate the fact that in few days I will be facing all my school mates. I am not ready my mental is not ready my body is not ready. I want to step in to the school with confidence and proudly and vibrantly reaching to my friends and shares them my incredible stories. But not with this body this almost obese body. Its fucking horrible to step in to the school with this body and you just walk to your friends and their face like "She is still big" but with the excitement(a little) its so heartbreaking and you looking around and there you go the girl that used to be big like you or bigger than you is now all skinny and looking healthy. It is not fun. And you just sitting there and suddenly sobbing to tears and just cry your heart out with more terrible thoughts in your mind like "Am i acceptable in this society?" "Can I fit in this whole different world?" "How do i and what are the way?" "What insulting im gonna get while im walking to the hallways" so unhealthy I could swore this feeling is fucking sucks and you just lose control and willing to cut yourself.
I wish loosing weight is easy.
Sometimes I wish I just grab a knife and cut all these fats off.
Sometimes I wish I can scalped my curve to perfection till other girls insecure and dying to have the exact curve like I do.
Sometimes I wish I can paint my face to be flawless so when you walked by some boys some hot boys they will be like " Damn she is hot"
But its only just a dream.
posted from Bloggeroid
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